Cha Cha Cha Changes!

You know, I thought that I would be posting to my blog a lot more the last few weeks but as you can see, I have not. On Feb. 28^th I went in for a total knee replacement on my left knee. I’m not saying it’s that big of a deal, lots of people have had knee replacements. And many people we know are struggling with much more serious issues, cancer, MS, alcoholism, broken families, etc. I suppose I decided in my mind, that I wasn’t going to do a “day-by-day” journal of my rehab. Today is exactly 6 weeks since surgery. I feel like I’ve being doing pretty good with my PT appointments, exercising at home, and working out at the YMCA. Unfortunately, I don’t think my knee is where I hoped it would be at 6 weeks out. People, who know me well, know that I don’t like sitting around or ‘taking it easy’. My job, which I love, requires me to be very active and working in the outdoors. When the Doc said, “your recovery time will be somewhere in the 6-8 week time frame”, I hear, “you should be back to work in 6 weeks.” Maybe my expectations were not realistic, but right now I still walk with a pretty significant limp. When I have to walk long distances or be on my feet for a long period of time, I feel like the use of my walking cane is necessary. My next appointment with my surgeon is tomorrow, so I’ll get a better idea of what he’s thinking about my rehab and return to work. I’ll keep you posted. I’ve thanked them many times, but I want to say again, “A huge THANKS to Barb, Abby, Mariah and DJ, for all the extra assistance; water refills, bringing extra pillows, running to the store for scripts, holding doors, massaging leg & foot, and all those other little things that mattered way more than you’ll ever know. I love and appreciate you all!” 

Since my last post, we’ve had some pretty good times and some changes in our lives. The kids were on Spring Break last week and we wanted to do something besides hang around the house. Barb’s work has been crazy and she couldn’t get any time off, so she couldn’t join us on our road trip to Illinois. We took off Wednesday afternoon and returned home Saturday evening. It was a good time to spend with Mariah and DJ and they got to experience some of the things from my childhood that keeps my heart and mind close to my hometown. The kids and I spent a night with Grandma and the other nights with Steve and Nancy. I took them to one of my favorite childhood spots, Lake of the Woods, in Mahomet. There they climbed the bell tower and played and climbed on everything at the playground. I told them about all the times we climbed the tower and sled down the hills around the tower. They thought that was pretty cool. I think their favorite part was going to the Mansfield General Store. It all started last Sunday night when Deej and I were watching the 1971 version of “Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.” DJ asked if there really were candy stores like the one at the beginning of the movie, when we were kids. So I told him about our little towns General Store and Friday afternoon I took them and their cousins to see the old time candy store. Of course the store was more than just candy, but they had all the old stuff that we used to get when we were kids. Stuff like Dots, Oh Henry bar, candy cigarettes and cigar gum, Sixlets, Lemonheads, Boston Baked Beans, you get the idea. They thought that was all really neat, but when they saw that they also offered ice cream, the ice cream won them over.

While we were back, I also got the chance to sit down with a couple of long time friends who also have/had teenage children and we spent a lot of time talking about how we parent and how our teenage children know way more than we do. Yes, of course I’m being a bit sarcastic, but I guess it’s pretty much been like that since the beginning of time. We came to the conclusion, that after they get to a certain age they are going to do whatever they want, parents be damned. We just hope that some of the things that we have taught them in 18 years stick, and they make some good decisions with their future in mind. While we were in Illinois, Abby moved out into her first apartment with a girlfriend of hers. She’s going to try and balance going to work, going to school and keeping her bills paid. Obviously, I want her to succeed and do well in preparing for her future. Our kids mean more to us and we love them more than they could ever know or imagine. But in my ‘Dad mind’, she’s not ready for the extra stress of all the bills and ‘incidentals’ that come with living on your own. I could be wrong, and I’ll probably be wrong again, but it’s extremely hard for me not to say anything when I think something is not right. It’s just how I’m wired. And all the Dad’s out there can relate with me when I say, no matter what you say or do, you’re a ‘jerk’ no matter what, especially if it’s not what they WANT to hear. Not to mention the tension it creates with the spousal unit. {Oh wait, I just did!} I guess time will tell and time usually smoothes things over pretty well. And I’m pretty fortunate that my spousal unit is pretty forgiving and broke in after 28+ years, so we’ll be fine. I’ve never been the ‘I told you so’ type of person; in fact, many times I hope I’m wrong in my opinions and/or advice. But because our children are growing up in an “entitlement” society, they don’t realize that the advice parents are giving them is usually based on experience and wisdom, not just something we’re pulling out of a hat to disagree with them. I guess this is where you have to let them “experience life” themselves and hopefully learn something that helps them to be the person God intended them to be.

The hard lesson for me is realizing that it’s great to have expectations for your children, and you hope they make good decisions for themselves and their future. But inevitably, they are going to carve their own path through the wilderness. And we’ll continue to hold onto the hope that something you said or did will resonate in their mind and they will remember all the blood, sweat and tears you put into their lives, loving them only like a parent can. Changes….you gotta love them. That’s the view from my stand!

Who do you know?

When we were kids, when it came to having money we had no idea of the concept of being 'rich' or 'poor'. Mainly because it didn't matter, we had what we needed. Growing up, the world tells us, "You have to climb that corporate ladder, how much you make defines you, make and take whatever you can." As an adult we begin to realize the importance of putting things in order by their priority in our lives. This morning as I was reading an article about a high profile professional athlete doing some pretty amazing things off the field, a couple of thoughts came to mind. My first thought was, "Who do I know personally that exhibits that kind of selflessness?" I have the pleasure of knowing a lot of great people from many different cultures and walks of life. Many of them would be great examples of selflessness, but this question sparked a very pleasant memory from our childhood.
When we were young we lived across the street from the city park. Now when I say 'city', it's a little misleading because technically our home town was a village. A village with around 450 residents. It is a quiet, very nostalgic place in the middle of farm country. When you could walk from one end of town to the other in 10 minutes, pretty much everyone was your 'neighbor'. The park was a place where everyone gathered after school and all day long in the summer months. Sometimes in the evening or near dark, kids would have to be dragged home because they didn't want to leave. One of my favorite things at the park was when we had pick up baseball games. Usually the oldest two kids would be 'captains' and they would take turns choosing until everyone was on a team. Some of the kids were real characters and many I am still friends with today. You could almost always count on kids from these families being at the park; Dodge's, Alexander's, Ipox's, Crawford's, Watts, Moxley's, Conroy's, Hammer's, Beard's, Kirby's, and others. {No families were left off this list intentionally, these are the ones that come to my mind first.} We would play baseball until it was to dark to see the ball coming off the bat. The way the field was set up, when you hit one 'out of the park', it usually meant it landed in our back yard or possibly hit our house. Our screened in back porch faced the park. Coincidentally, the first one I recall hitting the house was hit by "Arkie" Ipox. I'm sure some older kids probably did it too, but I remember always wanting to be on "Arkie's" team when teams were picked.
One afternoon we were playing and it was getting pretty late in the day. My mom came off our back porch and over to the park with a giant plate of sandwiches and orange koolaid for EVERYONE! This was something she did often, for different occasions, but it was a pretty big deal to us kids. We all sat around on the ground and enjoyed our feast after a hard day of playing. I know, that doesn't seem like a very big deal when you think about it, just sandwiches and flavored water, right? But, as some of you know, my Mom and Dad we're parents to 10 kids. They had their own baseball team! My parents both worked outside the home at different times in their lives, Dad usually had at least 2 jobs it seemed. But they were never very 'wealthy', monetarily. So, as I look back now, making sandwiches and koolaid for two baseball teams really was a pretty big deal. And it was just one of the many examples of selflessness I've seen modeled by our Mom. She has always been involved one way or another helping others. She's watched over countless neighborhood kids, volunteered many hours at the hospital, making meals and taking them to those that were sick, homebound or lost a loved one, cooking, singing, telling stories and entertaining all the Senior Saints that show up at the Senior Center. And all of this while raising and continuing to care for 10 children, 30+ grandchildren, and 20ish great grandchildren.
Yeah, I'm pretty proud of my Mom, but most impotantly, she taught us this: "Life isn't about what you can get or gather up for yourself. It's the culmination of the love of God and how much of yourself you are willing to give to others. Because that is really when you experience true joy here on earth!" I hope that one day when I'm long gone, that my kids or grandkids will be able to say similar things about me as I have said about our mother.
That's the view from my stand. Thanks for reading!

Dream On...

Do you have dreams? If you do, do you remember them in vivid Technicolor? My buddy, Ed, is one of those guys who does. He has such elaborate dreams with elements that usually don't belong together, it's always entertaining to hear his rendition of such dreams. He's a great story teller too. Occasionally, I have dreams and actually remember them. Most of the time they are just flashes, like watching a highlight reel after a big game.
Last night was different. I don't know if it was the leftovers from Red Lobster that I ate at 11pm or just the fact that I was really tired, but one dream I had last night was very clear. My dream was from a memory from a long time ago. When we were very young Dad would take us to Niddles Creek, {sp?} out near the county line. We would fish for catfish and bluegill. My dream was me, as a very young guy, somewhere around 6-8 years of age. We were sitting in our old folding chairs, you know, those ones with the nylon type straps that leave waffle marks on your backside if you sit in them too long. We were bobber fishing and being a little bored as kids get, I started fooling around in my chair. Dad had left us for a few minutes to retrieve something from his vehicle. I started to stand up in the chair to see where he was and one of my legs slipped between the "waffle butt" straps of the chair. As I went through the chair, the metal frame became unbalanced and started to tip over. I panicked and tried to regain balance by hopping on the one leg that went through the chair. My hopping caused the chair to begin folding up and pinched my leg in the metal frame. Down I went in a heap of flailing arms and leg, caught in the ninja death grip of a K-Mart 'waffle butt' folding chair. To a young child this is definitely a serious and traumatic situation. I was screaming in pain, somewhat embarrassed, and wondering why no one was trying to help me. Out of the corner of my eye I see Dad running towards us with a traumatic look on his face, as if someone was letting out a death scream. That might have been me. When he got to my side he quickly assessed the situation, unfolded the chair and removed my leg from the waffle straps. Dad snatched me from what in my young mind seemed like certain death, and picked me up in his arms. After checking the marks on my leg from the chair frame and making sure I was okay, he wanted to know what happened. My siblings were quick to fill Dad in and let him know that I was standing up in the folding chair. I told him that I was looking for him but couldn't see him so I stood up. Next I was scolded for standing up in the unstable 'waffle butt' chair and I swore I would never do it again. Dad put me down and I went over to an empty 5 gallon bucket and turned it over to sit on that to fish. That's where my dream ended, or what I can remember of it.
The dream was crystal clear and so vivid as if this happened yesterday and not 40 years ago. Then I began to think, 'Why in the world would I have a dream like that in the first place?' My only reasoning for such a dream is that maybe I needed this reminder. My Dad wasn't a perfect Dad, but he showed a pretty great balance of compassion, discipline, silliness, common sense, and love of family and his life. Some people on the outside looking in might say that he was 'tough' on us boys. I'm sure I might have thought so when I was a kid, but as an adult, I'm incredibly thankful for my Dad. He taught me what a good work ethic is; he taught us there's a right and wrong to everything and you stay out of trouble more often if you're in the right; he taught us the importance of doing for others, especially those less fortunate than yourself; but I believe, most importantly, he modeled for us boys how to be a good husband and dad.
In many situations with our own kids I find myself asking this question, "What would Dad do?" Yes, we're dealing with a very different generation of kids from when we were growing up, but I believe if we stay true to some of the "old school' ways, more of the kids today would be more respectful of adults and those in authority. But that's a whole different blog post in itself. Dad's been gone for a long time, but to see him so vividly in a dream was pretty cool. Remembering him when he was in his prime; strong, handsome, smiling, was certainly better than remembering him in his last few months on earth. Thanks for the dream last night Dad. I hope some day that we get to sit together and you tell me that 'I made you proud as a husband and dad.' But until then, I'll just see you in my dreams.
I can't finish the story there because my fishing pals are going to want to know this. Ed, Bobby, Ralph, Ted, Jason...when we went fishing with Dad, we almost always brought back a 5 gallon bucket with fish in it, and that's no dream!
Thanks for reading, and that's the view from my stand!

2012... Let's See What Ya Got!

Good New Years morning! Wow, did 2011 blow by or what? It was a year of indifference for us in many ways. I'm glad it's over and we look forward to 2012 being a much better year. We had invitations to several parties to celebrate NYE, but decided to take Mariah and DJ to an early dinner at Amato's with our friends, Larry and Marci and their son, Hunter. Then a night of movies for the guys on the new Blue Ray player {LOTR and Rambo} while the girls danced and played games on the Kinnect. Barb made some delicious snacks and at 11:30ish, we gathered in the living room to watch the "Ball Drop" in NYC. I was greatly disappointed in the 'talent' they had to bring the New Year in. I think it might be a better idea in the future if they are going to use John Lennon's "Imagine" song again, they just play a recording of it. I haven't seen very many artists that are able to do that song and do it well. Shortly after the stroke of midnight we all headed for bed. I know, so much excitement in one night, how do I contain myself? I enjoyed reading all the NYE posts on Facebook, seeing how our family and friends were bringing in the New Year before I went to sleep. Yep, that was it.
I've never been one to come up with New Years resolutions every year. I'm always hopeful that I'll be a better person this year than last. Some years I actually think I've succeeded. I think it's a good and an obtainable goal for all of us. Right? But one of the things that I want to do differently for 2012 is to write in this blog more often. I've been blogging since 2009 and the pattern I see is each year I've had fewer blog entries. Not that our lives are all that exciting and people are calling me to remind me to blog, but I have just neglected to take the time to do it. I've always found writing to be very therapeutic and something that I enjoy doing. Many times some of our most raw and vulnerable thoughts and feelings come out when we put them down on paper. {or in a blog} Usually it's the things that matter most to us, family, friends and faith.
So, with that being said, I hope to kick it up a notch with the blog posts and if you enjoy reading them please feel free to leave a note or comment on any of them. Thanks for all the encouragement and I hope 2012 brings you everything that you wish. Happy New Year! That's the view from my stand!

Crashing Into Christmas

I know, I know, I have neglected the blog writing again and for that I apologize. I couldn't believe it when I clicked on the site and it said my last post was October. Like many of you experience, it seems our life continues to get busier and more complex the older we get. I guess we're pretty lucky to get several days off in a row here at Christmas for some much needed down time. I'll take it and I thought I would also take this opportunity to catch up here. In years past I have always been pretty good about getting greeting cards out to family and friends at Christmas. They would always, well almost always, have our family Christmas letter in them. Several years ago I didn't get the letter in our cards and boy did I hear about it. {I wont mention any names here, but we're all still friends}
As most of you know, we lost our older brother Mike unexpectedly a couple years ago in November. Those first couple of Christmases were pretty rough. In fact, they sucked. We didn't decorate our home inside or out and I didn't really feel much like sending out cards or a letter. This season I thought I would get "ahead of the game" and the weekend after Thanksgiving I began decorating outside the house. Barb got some of her collection of Nativity scenes out and her and the kids put the tree up and decorated it. The house looks somewhat festive, inside and out. But alas, I failed at getting cards and letters out this year. Baby steps, right? So I decided to do a first and use my blog as the avenue of delivery. Some may not get this but many of you will and this year it will have to do.
Overall, we've had a pretty good 2011. When you're a parent of three or however many, your life is pretty much set on their schedules so we've kind of rolled with it. We do try to get a night out from time to time for adult time, usually with a lot less noise than what's at home. I thought in this letter I would try not to bore you with a month to month run down of our activities. {Yes, we have lots of room for activities} Instead, I thought I would share a few "firsts" with you. First, let's start with DJ.

DJ turned 11 last month. He's still a big "gamer" on the video games but this year he decided to play tackle football for the first time for an Optimist Club team. He was put on the "Barons" team which had 24 kids, half of them playing for the first time. He hated conditioning and wanted to quit, but when game time came around he started to really have a good time. I'll never forget one practice where the coach had given the boys a water break and these coaches worked the boys pretty hard. As the boys were returning to the huddle the coach says, "DJ, why are you always one of the last guys hustling back from a water break?" Without missing a beat DJ says, "I'm saving myself for the game, Coach!" That immediately reminded me of Bill Murray in "Stripes" and I was sliding down in the seat of my truck trying to stifle my laugh. He was one of the smaller guys on the team of 11-13 yr. olds, but was playing offense and defensive line and doing a pretty good job playing with a lot of heart. Their team finished the season undefeated and each player was awarded a trophy and given a t-shirt that said "League Champions" on it. The Monday after the awards banquet I asked Deej if he was going to wear his new shirt to school and his answer surprised me. He said, "Wearing that shirt is bragging and it makes all my friends mad. {He was on a team with no kids from his school} So I'll just wear it on the weekends." He didn't care so much about the wins, he just loved to play. And furthermore, he was sincere and humble, giving us a look at his growing, 11 year old, kind heart. That made us more proud than all the wins too!

Mariah is going to be 13 in February, although, she seems to think she's 16. She has a flare for the drama all day, every day. She's not happy unless she's yelling at her younger brother for something as simple as breathing to loud. Ahh..teenage girls. This year Mariah was very excited to get a part in the middle school musical, "Annie Jr." Man, did those kids put on a great presentation for 7th and 8th graders. Mariah was one of the "bratty orphans" so she really didn't have to get much out of character. She has a beautiful voice and did an outstanding job and surprised us with a cartwheel to our corner of the stage the night we had front row seats. She loves to sing, dance and act, in fact, she has a part in the school play coming in February. Earlier this year Barb took Mariah to the American Idol Tour Show that featured the top 12 Idol contestants. Prior to the concert, they had a karaoke stage outside the venue and Mariah got on stage and rocked the audience of a couple thousand people with the "Grenade" song. She received a tour poster signed by the 12 Idol contestants. We tell her that Uncle Eddie and I are going to sign her to the "Smoking Dog Records" label and make her a star. In our eyes, she already is!

Abby will be 19 in January. She started her first year of college and that was a big change not having her around the house. Not that she spent all that much time at home anyway, but we knew we weren't going to see her much when she went to school. One of the things we really missed was having that extra driver to help get the kids to where they needed to be. I've taken up about 90% of those duties. {Another reason I havent had much time to write on the blog} When she gets her year of general studies out of the way, she plans on studying International Business with a secondary in the Chinese Language. When she was in HS she went on a 20 day student leadership trip to China just before the Olympics. She really enjoyed the culture and history of that country. Abby did her first semester at Bowling Green and decided BG was not for her. So she returned home and will finish the year at Columbus State. This allows her to return to her job she had all last summer and attend a school only 25 minutes from home. We say we're "undecided" on whether we like her being back home. Her siblings don't seem to be wild about it, but the truth is, her Mom is glad she's back. {Insert evil smile here}

Barb and I have kept pretty busy with our jobs with some of the extra duties that we've been assigned. IGS is getting into the electric business to go with their natural gas business so things are pretty crazy but busy for her. We've had a few changes at Alpha the last few months that has required me to take on a lot more responsibility but nothing I cant handle. Last month Barb celebrated her 1 year anniversary of her knee replacement surgery with a 100% recovery. She's not tap dancing like Mom Paxton, but she's very pleased with the results. After the first of the year I will be having the same surgery on my left knee and I'm hoping for similar results. Because Barb had to be off work for an extended time for her recovery we really didn't get a family vacation this past summer. So, we're really looking forward to going somewhere special this next summer with the kids. {They remind us regularly that they were "jipped" out of a vaction} They have such a rough life.
We continue to be amazed at all the blessings in our lives. We have great family, awesome friends, we both get to work with some pretty incredibly good people, and we thank God for all those things. With the struggling economy and unemployment, marital and relationship problems that so many people we know are dealing with, I think it's important to share this thought I had about 2:30 this morning with you, especially this time of the year: This Christmas do something different. Go to the room your tree is in and turn off all the lights except the ones on the tree. As you sit quietly, remember that the blessings in your life way outnumber the bulbs on the tree. See how bright that tree is? Yeah, that's what others see in you. The message of Christmas: "No matter how tough the journey gets, you're never alone."
Merry Christmas and the best and brightest New Year to each of you. That's the view from my stand!

"All Things Being Equal"...I Wish That Were the Case!

Tonight, Barb and I got the rare opportunity to go on a "Date Night". So we decided to grab dinner at the Mexican restaurant Mi Cerritos and catch a movie at the Historic Strand Theater. Dinner was excellent and the company was awesome. We got over to The Strand just in time to see the movie "The Help". Now, my preconceived notions on this movie was basically from the grumblings of others stating that it was primarily a "chick flick." With those notions in tow, we went in quickly and sat in the back thinking it would be me, one other poor sap that got dragged there by his bride, and a theater full of women. I was wrong on both accounts; it was not a "chick flick" and there were a lot of couples at the movie tonight. In fact, there were a couple guys that serve on the county transportation board with me, there with their spouses. Don't get me wrong here, we liked the movie. It was the content of the movie that disturbed us and made us reflect on some things in our past.
The movie was set back in the early 60's in Jackson, Mississippi. The story centered around black women who served as cooks and housekeepers for white families in Jackson. The movie is based on a book released in 2009 by the same title. So, it's a movie based on a book about a character in the movie writing a book with the same title as the movie. Confused yet? But really, what the movie did for me was remind me just how socially messed up this country was at one time. What amazed me were some of the ridiculous "rules" that were practiced by whites due to the stupidity of our race at that time. Things like, "the black help were not allowed to use the bathroom in a white persons home for fear of spreading disease", or "they were not allowed to sit at the same table as their white employers for a meal". And they were to "never come to the front door of the house, especially when they were entertaining guests." The reality of that time, however, was the fact that these maids/housekeepers were very important to the children of their white employers. Many of them were raising the children, teaching and training them, while the child's parents were "busy" doing other things. Now, I realize that might have been over emphasized in the movie, but you have to know that it was taking place. These maids were responsible for the cooking, cleaning, laundry, grocery shopping, child rearing and caring for their own families. And if they were lucky, they made somewhere in the neighborhood of $150 a month. Even in 1960, that was pretty lean. In fact, you could say that was damn cheap. With the real possibility of losing their jobs by just talking to someone about how they were treated by their white employers, to me, that is the very definition of courage. John Wayne once said, "Courage is being scared to death but saddling up anyway." The maids stepped up to share their stories and were being the catalyst of change. Yes, I believe it's certainly better now than it was in the 1960's, but in reality, we've witnessed and experienced some of the backwards thinking and behaviors of people.
I grew up in what I called "white bread" country. That was never more evident than when we did this exercise in Foster Parent training. In front of each person was a bowl full of colored beads. Each colored bead represented a group of people. Each of us was given an empty bowl and told to grab a bead that represented you and put it in your bowl. Then the instructors gave us some questions that we answered by adding beads to our bowl. Questions like, "For your 5 closest friends put beads in the bowl representing them." And, "For the neighbors on each side of your home, place beads in the bowl representing them." And "For your 5 closest peers where you work, put beads in the bowl representing them." You get the idea. Well, at the end of that exercise, my bowl looked like a bowl of mini marshmallows with a few raisins or grapes in it, "white bread" indeed. Let's get back to "where I grew up". All through our early childhood and into elementary school, the only times we were exposed to "people of color" was when our parents took us to "the big city". {Champaign/Urbana} When we got into Jr. High and High School, we had 1 student that was African American. She was active in many school clubs and was a cheerleader. Still, there were many students that were very mean to her and really, down right hateful. I knew that wasn't right, but I didn't have the courage then to do or say anything. I couldn't imagine how she must have felt, but I know that today she's a very strong lady who is a proud parent and grandparent.
Another example, after the movie, Barb and I were talking and an event from years ago came up in our discussion. We were visiting some good friends and they were having a party that included people from all over the US from different walks of life. I was standing with a couple of other guys and we were talking about some of the recent crime sprees that had been in the news. When a "southern gentleman" from the coastal region spoke up and said, "You people in the north need to get your niggers under control like we do in the south." Most everyone looked at him like he was from outer space, but the problem was that he was dead serious in his way of thinking. He went on to explain how the south keeps "them" in line and that's "just the way it is." I'm not sure why that came to mind last night because like I said, it was many years ago. But I think it's relevant to this line of discussion we were having.
Sometimes we are caught off guard with acts of racism and segregation, as we were during a family vacation a few years ago. Two of our three children are adopted and happen to be African American and biracial. We were traveling with Barb's brother Mike and his wife Sherry and their two children. Their children are bright, beautiful kids that came from China and Korea. We decided to pull off the road and get some dinner for us weary travelers. We entered the restaurant and were seated in an area that was pretty much empty, but the place was busy. As we enjoyed dinner and conversation that revolved around the kids, other families we seated near us. To be honest, I was very unaware of what was happening. It wasn't until we left the restaurant and was back on the road that I could tell something was bothering Barb. It was then that she pointed out that the place we just had dinner was segregating its customers. When I stopped to think about it, she was correct. And it made us both angry that people were still behaving that way in the 2000's.
We have lived in Ohio now for 15 years and Mariah and DJ have been in our family since 2000, and we wouldn't have it any other way. We also love where Barb and I grew up and started our family. But there were always feelings of uneasiness around some of our old friends and some family with their take on us having a "blended family". Delaware, Ohio is not a metropolis and it's not a small farming community. It's a pretty good balance of both. We are blessed to be surrounded by lots of great friends and family that don't see "color", but instead they see the character and content of the hearts of our children.
All of that being shared, I'm glad there were people like Rosa Parks, Medger Evers, Dr. M.L. King Jr. and many others who didn't get cast into the media spotlight to reveal an incredible injustice. Yes, that's part of the history of our country, but I believe it's in our best interest as individuals to be vigilant. Each of us should have the courage to say what we know is right and what is wrong. MLK Jr. once said, "History will have to record that the greatest tragedy of this period of social transition was not the strident clamor of the bad people, but the appalling silence of the good people." Towards the end of our discussion last night Barb made the comment, "I better not hear or see anyone treating our babies like that because of the color of their skin." It's pretty safe to say, we will not be silent.
That's the view from my stand!

The Last "Hoorah!"??

Every year for the last 14, right about this time, I take a week to head north to Canada for some walleye, smallmouth and pike fishing with some of my buds. It’s my favorite place in the world to visit and I love sharing it with my friends and family. It’s a place where we can chill out and do what guys do; fish, smoke cigars, eat, pass gas, drink some adult beverages, fish more, eat some more, pass gas, swim when it’s hot, burp, sleep and did I mention passing gas? A few years ago, we had a guy cancel at the last minute so I decided to take Abby; she was 14 years old and did quite well for never fishing for walleye. This year a similar thing happened and we decided she should go again. Abby is now 18, and getting ready to head off to college in a couple of weeks.
I was a little apprehensive at first about taking her this time, but as it turned out, she basically had 5 “Dads” looking out after her best interests. This was especially true when it came to the dock guy, Tyler, but that’s another story for another time. {Ask Keith about his dreams and talking in his sleep!} Traveling up was pretty uneventful and we arrived at the bait shop where we always get our licenses every year. Just as we finished getting them, our good friends, Dan and Karen Spears, pull up to get theirs. We knew they were coming to the Island the same week but didn’t figure we’d see them until on the dock Saturday morning. It was a great surprise and we planned to have dinner together in North Bay, just a little further up the road. Dinner was great at Kelsey’s, and we finished the last bit of our drive to Haileybury Beach Motel where we would spend the night before heading to the Island Saturday morning. We got there in plenty of time to sit outside and enjoy a cigar while we watched a few sailboats return to the marina just as the sun was going down. A beautiful start to a great week!
After a delicious breakfast prepared by Bridget at the HBM, {see her with Abby in our album on my FB page} we headed to the dock. There we were greeted by friends from all over that we’ve met in previous years going to Island 10. Ron and Laurel from near Toronto, Jeff and Dawn from Michigan, Rich and Greg from Marion, Ohio and of course Dan and Karen, our friends from right here in Delaware, Ohio. Boats were loaded and we were on our way. When you arrive at the Island the hosts and staff have a big welcome lunch, buffet style. It rivals any good church potluck that you have attended, without a doubt. The biggest problem up there is, they feed you like that every day, twice a day, for a whole week! After the welcome lunch, we got back to our cabins and got our gear ready for fishing. I took Abby out and right away we started catching fish for a shore lunch. For those not familiar with a shore lunch; they take your fresh caught fish and clean them for you. The next day when you go out to fish after breakfast, all the supplies to fix a lunch are in your boat. The Coleman stoves, frying pans, beans, potatoes, onions, your fish, batter, oil, matches, fresh baked cookies, and all the table service you need for your group. It’s the absolute best way to enjoy your fish and always nice to share with the folks there for the first time.
Every day in the lodge we shared a table at meal time with the Spears and a family member of the owners that was visiting for the week, Miss Vera. Breakfast and Dinner conversation was always plentiful and enjoyable. I was very thankful that Dan and Karen were there because at times Abby just felt like staying at the cabin and reading {or sleeping} so she also had some great visits with Karen and Miss Vera at the Spears cabin.

We tried to split things up so everyone got the opportunity to fish with everyone else. It sort of worked out and it was good that the guys were just happy to be there enjoying the incredible scenery, the fishing and of course at night, the stars and cosmic light show that was there when the clouds were away. The fishing was pretty good this week in comparison with the last 3-4 years, and guys in our group caught at least one of each kind they were hoping for; walleye, northern pike and smallmouth. However, it seemed you couldn’t go anywhere on the lake and get away from those 3”-6” yellow perch that attack your bait as soon as it leaves the boat. Anywhere near a rocky bottom you had the same size smallmouth and rock bass harassing you as well. The flies weren’t too bad this year, either. The mosquitoes, on the other hand, were a little different story. Every night right around dark they moved in quickly. But like everything else, you learn to deal with them and wait them out and they eventually moved out of the area as quickly as they came in. After they left, we would all gather on the deck enjoying a drink and a cigar and watch the sky. Keith saw his very first “shooting star”, actually two in one night. On those clear nights, straight above the cabin you could see the Milky Way. It’s so clear; it’s as if the Master painter brushed them in across the sky in one smooth stroke. Glorious, indeed! We had several nights where we were able to enjoy the view of the shooting stars, satellites, constellations, Milky Way and an occasional airplane. The conversation always turned to guessing where that flight might have originated and where it may be going. Yeah, we were contemplated the deep stuff while vacationing.
The very best day of fishing was Tuesday when the weather was cloudy, windy and a little bit of rain. A couple of the guys hit the bourbon a little hard the night before and couldn’t answer the call at breakfast. {Fair weather fishermen!} So Ed and I fished together and Jimmy and Dan Spears fished together. We headed out to a favorite area of ours called “Willow Lake”. We boated 2 keepers and 2 “slot fish” that had to go back in the water in the first pass. I knew it was going to be a good morning. When we returned we had 12 on the stringer and had boated more than 30 good fish during that time. That didn’t count the ones that got off right at the boat. About half way through the morning, I’m sure the other boats fishing Willow Lake might have tired of hearing the USA Walleye Dream Teams chant of: “We don’t, we don’t, we don’t mess around, hey!” But we certainly had fun catching and netting those fish for each other! It was an enjoyable day and we finished the evening in the “Honey Hole” where I took one of my favorite sunset pictures in my 14 yrs. of visiting the Island. {See the album on my FB page and look for the sunset with tree stumps.}
Midweek brought the Island Fish Fry where around 4pm our host would begin cooking fish on the deck just outside the lodge. It’s a time meant for everyone on the island to get together for some good fish, good fellowship and a little bit of BS. Ken would cook several kinds of fish and promised a case of bourbon to anyone who could guess the 5 samples in the correct order. The reason he does this is to show that because the water is so clean and so cold up there, all the fish are good eating fish. Of course no one got the order correct. He served up bass, pike {twice}, walleye and whitefish. It’s always a good time sitting on the deck and munching nuggets of fresh fish and fries while visiting with all the guests. Also during that time, Ken will tell stories of years past on guests that are present and even some that are not. You have to know Ken to appreciate him, but between his accent, some of the phrases he uses and just the sheer joy he gets out of repeating stories, the opportunity to hear him tell these tales is worth the price of admission!
Speaking of phrases, there were a few “Abbyisms” that the guys and I had to endure for the 7 days on the Island. “Abbyisms” are phrases that would only come from Abby, and fortunately we didn’t need a translator. I think one of her favorites and one we heard many times was “pump yo brakes”. This meant to relax or chill out. We were all subject to this phrase at one time or another on the island. Similar to that was the ever popular “slow your roll”, same meaning. Another of her favorite ones was “come at me like that again”. She usually said that when someone said something about her that she didn’t like, most of the time it was me. Apparently, she has a belief that these grown men are threatened by an 18 year old, 125 lb. female. She was mistaken. Another one of the “Abbyisms” that we got a kick out of was her “getch me some”. Basically she said this when she was happy about catching a fish, reading a book, or getting one of her favorite foods as part of a meal. She also used it when she laid the occasional “zinger” on me or one of her other “Dads” for the week. Yes, she got her share in. I’m not sure why some of the wives of the other “Dads” were worried about how Abby would do for a week on an island with us. She has had 18 years of training from yours truly, and she handled herself with dignity. Well, however much dignity you can muster when everyone in the cabin can hear every sound you make while using the bathroom. But, hey, you have to remember that you are in the remote wilderness and there are things that you might have to do a different way than you would do them at home. Chalk up another great life lesson to be learned.
So, as the week was winding down and we all started realizing just how fast it goes by once you get on the island, we made our pairings for the last day on the lake. I had told the guys that I wanted to take Abby on the last day because there were a couple of places I wanted her to see. When she was up with us at 14, we were on a 5 day trip and she didn’t get to see some of the neat places that we enjoy. Friday morning I let her sleep in and the guys and I all went to breakfast. After breakfast, I went out by myself for a while and returned about 10am to pick up Abby. We headed for one of my favorite places on the lake, Frank’s Falls. Since my very first visit to Island 10, this has always been a special place. When I first visited Island 10, my Dad had just passed away the year before and his name was Frank. It’s a rock formation with water pouring over it from a spring fed lake above the falls. It’s a place that is both roaring with the noise of the water going over the falls, and also peaceful where above the falls, the water is just bubbling, almost whispering, coming over a few stones from the lake headed for the falls. In comparison, much like I remember my Dad. Sometimes very loud when one or all of us were being disciplined, and sometimes very reserved, like the conversations we had during a game of Blitz or while working on a jigsaw puzzle. I guess you could also say this place is very reminiscent of each of our lives. Life is sometimes like the water going over the falls, loud and racing at break neck speed toward its destination, Lady Evelyn Lake. It is also slow and calm, like the water leaving the spring fed lake above the falls heading down the little tributary that feeds into Franks Falls. Most of the time I hope for the “slow and calm” parts of life, but anyone who is raising or has raised a teenager in this day and age knows that those times are few and far between. I guess you can picture in your minds eye this beautiful place and understand why I wanted to share this with Abby. {You can also see some pictures of Franks Falls on the album on my FB page.}
After getting a few good pictures and sharing our lunch on the Falls, we decided to head back to the lodge for a final swim in the lake and an afternoon nap. After dinner Friday night we went into some of the back water behind Supermarket and Island 10. It was calmer there and it allowed us to have some time to talk and just take in the beauty of the lake for the last time. While we were out we talked a little about Abby heading off for college and being away from home. She admitted to being a little scared and I think that’s okay. When we have a little fear in our lives it sometimes causes us to be cautious. The future is always a little scary even when you’re in your 40’s. But to hear her say this and share the things we shared gives me the confidence that as her Mom and Dad, we have done our best to prepare her for this stage in her life. We know that she is going to do some pretty great things and we can’t wait to see her take the reigns and be the responsible adult we know she can be. We’ll only be a couple hours away from her campus so when her mom starts having nervous breakdowns, we can go and visit her on a weekend. After spending some time talking on the lake, we cruised through a couple of our “honey holes” from the past years and then headed back to the lodge. Friday night was a great night for sitting on the deck and thinking about the week past, but also getting back to the reality of our every day, regular {or not so regular} lives.
As we were sitting on the deck watching the skies and talking about different things, Abby getting married became a topic of discussion. We talked about the lucky or not-so-lucky guy that would be her husband. Hey, you have to take the good with the bad in this group! We talked about her wedding and what might take place at the reception. Uncle Eddie made the comment that when the “Dad and Daughter” dance took place, half way through he was going to “Tap me Out” and cut in to finish the dance. To be honest, I would totally be okay with that. I’m incredibly thankful for the number of friends that we have that have such an unbelievable love and unending patience for and with our kids. Some of them are “ninja warriors” in that sense and we recognize and appreciate them more than they will ever know. As we finished packing our things away and prepared for our departure Saturday morning, we talked a little about “the next time up”. If “the good Lord is willing and the creek don’t rise”, I may be bringing DJ up to Island 10 next summer for his first visit. There is a whole year between now and then to change my mind, but I think by next summer he might be ready for such a trip. I know, we’re getting ahead of ourselves a little bit but planning for the future always makes going there worthwhile! Saturday morning we said our “goodbyes till next year” to the staff and hosts as well as to our Island friends who share this same week with us year after year. Then we started that dreaded drive home that was again pretty uneventful, just the way we like it. We did stop off at this remote burger stand that we’ve passed for 14 years. It was well worth the stop just to see the operation and have a charcoal grilled sandwich. I’m not sure that everyone agrees with me on this.
I’ll finish this post with a few things that I like to think Abby might have taken away from this trip. First, I believe that maybe she has a greater understanding of the word sacrifice. Next, I hope she sees the value and importance of having some great friends in your life that will encourage you as well as call you out when necessary. I also hope that she understands that a “fishing trip” is not always about the fishing. Taking time to enjoy the handiwork of our Creator is far more important than the fishing. And finally, I hope she understands that whether in good times or not so good times, a Dad’s love for their child never changes or waivers regardless of the circumstances. Will this be our last “hoorah”? Who knows, but a part of me really hopes not. That’s the view from my stand!