Creating a Memory

Do you remember when you were a kid and the anticipation you felt at Christmas? What about the smell of cotton candy at the fair or carnival? How about some time spent with someone special in your life? These are the types of things that can come rushing back to your mind at anytime. Sometimes they are triggered by another thought, a picture you see or even a smell that you experience. I remember sleeping in the bedroom above the living room and trying to peek through the vent in the bedroom floor on Christmas Eve. Hoping beyond all hope of getting just a glimpse of St. Nick as he delivered the goods. Trying our best not to make any noise for fear of Dad making that trip upstairs to straighten things out. I also remember when we lived across from the city park, the smell of the cotton candy when the fair came to town. You could smell that from a mile away, even though we were only a 100 yards or so. Another great memory for me is all the times working with my dad in the barn. Whether it was building a shelf for a wall in the garage or tearing the transmission out of an old grain truck, I really enjoyed those times together. I learned a lot about many things from my dad. These were all great memories from my past.
This past weekend I did something that I thought years ago, I would never do. In fact, I really stepped out of my "comfort zone" and allowed Abby, our almost 17 yr. old daughter, to experience this with me. Last November when our brother Mike died unexpectedly, it tore at the very fabric that holds our family together. He meant so much to each of us for so many different reasons. It's been an up and down year for me as well as other family members. Since his passing, I've been thinking about different ways we can honor his life. This past summer we had a golf outing raising some $$ for his kids education fund. That was a great time but I wanted to do something else. A few months ago, I started putting some ideas on paper for a tattoo. If you know me at all, you know I've never been a big fan of tattoos. Actually, I don't mind a discreetly placed tattoo that has some meaning or significance to the person. I really don't care for the "tramp stamps" or the "sleeves" and "full torso" tattoos. Especially the ones on the neck and sides of your face. That's just me.
So, exactly one year and one month after Mike's death I sat down with a very good artist and got my first tattoo. It's something that I put a lot of thought into and I feel it honors those in death and also those still sharing in our lives. My tattoo is not of some special image or photo. It's just words and letters. But these words and letters are very meaningful to me. At the top of my right arm it says "BAND OF BROTHERS". Below that is a "band" of letters that wraps around my arm. Between each letter is a red starburst. The letters are the first letter in each name of my brothers and some of my closest friends who have had an impact on my life. The red starbursts are a symbol of blood. Even though they are not "in the bloodline" these guys matter that much to me. I've known this for a long time, but getting through this past year helped me realize this again. That even though someone leaves your life well before you would expect, I have been surrounded by great friends, "brothers", who have made the journey a bit more barable. This tattoo honors them as well. Sometimes it seems awkward to express yourself in words, my brother Mike was not good in that catagory. But by his deeds and even in his quiet, gentle giant way, you knew where you stood with him. So, in his honor and in the "brotherhood" we share with those here on earth I got this tattoo.
I mentioned earlier, that I shared this time with my daughter, Abby. If you knew how I felt for a long time about tattoos, you would know how hard it was for me to allow her to get one. Several months ago, she had made a drawing that she wanted for a tattoo and had been talking to her mom {of course} about getting one. We have had that discussion in the past and my answer was an emphatical "NO". When she found out that I was getting one on Sunday she wanted to go with me. She said it was because "she didn't want me to chicken out" but I wasn't buying that ruse, I just didn't tell her that I wasn't.
I won't share with you here what her tattoo is because she wants some family members to see it first. I will say that it is beautiful and has some very significant meaning, just like her. I hope that for many, many years she will be able to look back on that day she got a tattoo with Dad, and it's as special a memory to her as it was and will be too me. I also hope that she understands just how much she is loved by her mother and I, her brother and sister and all of her family and friends. Sitting with her while she grit her teeth and made funny faces while the tattoo artist did his work was priceless. Without a doubt, the little bit of pain experienced was but a drop of water in a thimble compared to the realities of life. I have also learned that a tattoo isn't an "evil" thing and heck, I might even get another one some day. This will be my last post of 2009....so Merry Christmas to you all and a safe and happy 2010. That's my plan and that's the view from my stand!