Tonight, Barb and I got the rare opportunity to go on a "Date Night". So we decided to grab dinner at the Mexican restaurant Mi Cerritos and catch a movie at the Historic Strand Theater. Dinner was excellent and the company was awesome. We got over to The Strand just in time to see the movie "The Help". Now, my preconceived notions on this movie was basically from the grumblings of others stating that it was primarily a "chick flick." With those notions in tow, we went in quickly and sat in the back thinking it would be me, one other poor sap that got dragged there by his bride, and a theater full of women. I was wrong on both accounts; it was not a "chick flick" and there were a lot of couples at the movie tonight. In fact, there were a couple guys that serve on the county transportation board with me, there with their spouses. Don't get me wrong here, we liked the movie. It was the content of the movie that disturbed us and made us reflect on some things in our past.
The movie was set back in the early 60's in Jackson, Mississippi. The story centered around black women who served as cooks and housekeepers for white families in Jackson. The movie is based on a book released in 2009 by the same title. So, it's a movie based on a book about a character in the movie writing a book with the same title as the movie. Confused yet? But really, what the movie did for me was remind me just how socially messed up this country was at one time. What amazed me were some of the ridiculous "rules" that were practiced by whites due to the stupidity of our race at that time. Things like, "the black help were not allowed to use the bathroom in a white persons home for fear of spreading disease", or "they were not allowed to sit at the same table as their white employers for a meal". And they were to "never come to the front door of the house, especially when they were entertaining guests." The reality of that time, however, was the fact that these maids/housekeepers were very important to the children of their white employers. Many of them were raising the children, teaching and training them, while the child's parents were "busy" doing other things. Now, I realize that might have been over emphasized in the movie, but you have to know that it was taking place. These maids were responsible for the cooking, cleaning, laundry, grocery shopping, child rearing and caring for their own families. And if they were lucky, they made somewhere in the neighborhood of $150 a month. Even in 1960, that was pretty lean. In fact, you could say that was damn cheap. With the real possibility of losing their jobs by just talking to someone about how they were treated by their white employers, to me, that is the very definition of courage. John Wayne once said, "Courage is being scared to death but saddling up anyway." The maids stepped up to share their stories and were being the catalyst of change. Yes, I believe it's certainly better now than it was in the 1960's, but in reality, we've witnessed and experienced some of the backwards thinking and behaviors of people.
I grew up in what I called "white bread" country. That was never more evident than when we did this exercise in Foster Parent training. In front of each person was a bowl full of colored beads. Each colored bead represented a group of people. Each of us was given an empty bowl and told to grab a bead that represented you and put it in your bowl. Then the instructors gave us some questions that we answered by adding beads to our bowl. Questions like, "For your 5 closest friends put beads in the bowl representing them." And, "For the neighbors on each side of your home, place beads in the bowl representing them." And "For your 5 closest peers where you work, put beads in the bowl representing them." You get the idea. Well, at the end of that exercise, my bowl looked like a bowl of mini marshmallows with a few raisins or grapes in it, "white bread" indeed. Let's get back to "where I grew up". All through our early childhood and into elementary school, the only times we were exposed to "people of color" was when our parents took us to "the big city". {Champaign/Urbana} When we got into Jr. High and High School, we had 1 student that was African American. She was active in many school clubs and was a cheerleader. Still, there were many students that were very mean to her and really, down right hateful. I knew that wasn't right, but I didn't have the courage then to do or say anything. I couldn't imagine how she must have felt, but I know that today she's a very strong lady who is a proud parent and grandparent.
Another example, after the movie, Barb and I were talking and an event from years ago came up in our discussion. We were visiting some good friends and they were having a party that included people from all over the US from different walks of life. I was standing with a couple of other guys and we were talking about some of the recent crime sprees that had been in the news. When a "southern gentleman" from the coastal region spoke up and said, "You people in the north need to get your niggers under control like we do in the south." Most everyone looked at him like he was from outer space, but the problem was that he was dead serious in his way of thinking. He went on to explain how the south keeps "them" in line and that's "just the way it is." I'm not sure why that came to mind last night because like I said, it was many years ago. But I think it's relevant to this line of discussion we were having.
Sometimes we are caught off guard with acts of racism and segregation, as we were during a family vacation a few years ago. Two of our three children are adopted and happen to be African American and biracial. We were traveling with Barb's brother Mike and his wife Sherry and their two children. Their children are bright, beautiful kids that came from China and Korea. We decided to pull off the road and get some dinner for us weary travelers. We entered the restaurant and were seated in an area that was pretty much empty, but the place was busy. As we enjoyed dinner and conversation that revolved around the kids, other families we seated near us. To be honest, I was very unaware of what was happening. It wasn't until we left the restaurant and was back on the road that I could tell something was bothering Barb. It was then that she pointed out that the place we just had dinner was segregating its customers. When I stopped to think about it, she was correct. And it made us both angry that people were still behaving that way in the 2000's.
We have lived in Ohio now for 15 years and Mariah and DJ have been in our family since 2000, and we wouldn't have it any other way. We also love where Barb and I grew up and started our family. But there were always feelings of uneasiness around some of our old friends and some family with their take on us having a "blended family". Delaware, Ohio is not a metropolis and it's not a small farming community. It's a pretty good balance of both. We are blessed to be surrounded by lots of great friends and family that don't see "color", but instead they see the character and content of the hearts of our children.
All of that being shared, I'm glad there were people like Rosa Parks, Medger Evers, Dr. M.L. King Jr. and many others who didn't get cast into the media spotlight to reveal an incredible injustice. Yes, that's part of the history of our country, but I believe it's in our best interest as individuals to be vigilant. Each of us should have the courage to say what we know is right and what is wrong. MLK Jr. once said, "History will have to record that the greatest tragedy of this period of social transition was not the strident clamor of the bad people, but the appalling silence of the good people." Towards the end of our discussion last night Barb made the comment, "I better not hear or see anyone treating our babies like that because of the color of their skin." It's pretty safe to say, we will not be silent.
That's the view from my stand!
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