Life...sometimes there are no answers!

This past weekend has been a mixture of all kinds of feelings in such a short time. Traveling to Illinois for a family wedding without 2/5ths of our family just didn't feel right. The event was wonderful and we're very happy for Joe & Elisa. They will have a long, happy life together. But I guess I've gotten into the habit/groove of sharing all things with Barb. So, it was great, but not perfect for me.
I did get to have some good conversation with a few family members over the weekend. I always look forward to talking with Joyce, my brother Mike's wife. It's less than a month from being a year since Mike left us unexpectedly. We all miss him greatly, but for me, I want answers. That probably sounds selfish and I'm okay with that. I feel as though something happened that shouldn't have. Mike was not in terrible health. Todays technology and training of personnel in the EMS/First Responder/Medical field is of high standards and created to sustain someone until the trained/qualified help arrives. Let me be clear, I'm not blaming anyone, I just need answers. There was a nurse on staff and present when he collapsed. What did she do when she arrived on the scene? WE can't seem to get any answers, or at least consistent ones.
Halloween is next weekend and it was Halloween last year when some of the family was together with Mike for the last time. We weren't there. I rack my brain and try to remember when I last talked to Mike on the phone before then. I'm sure we laughed about something, talked about fishing, asked about each others kids, and closed with our regular good byes. But I can't remember...and I want too. I feel cheated and I want some more answers, but they are not there.
Yesterday, we had returned home from Illinois for only a short time when we received the message that Melissa's Dad {brother Jim's Melissa}had lost his battle with cancer. They are a close family as well and the next few weeks will be difficult for them. He had Hospice care and they were preparing themselves for this day. But are you ever really ready? Doctors are wrong all the time. I guess as I get older I'm also getting more cynical. I hope not, because I believe that most people are good. I just need some answers. Many of my friends have the same beliefs as I do. "Life, in all it's glory, will continue to be a mystery. There are just some things we won't have answers to until our time here is over."
I guess until that time, I'll keep wondering why, I'll keep searching for the answers that will bring some sort of peace, and I'll keep loving my family and friends the way they love me. That's the view from my stand!