A Broken Heart Will Mend...It Just Takes Time

So..when you read these posts have you been feeding my fish. As you see, there's another fish in pond. An orange one for my newest follower, Lauren. To feed the fish just run your mouse over the pond and click. It will leave fish food. When you become a "follower" then I add another fish to the pond. Will you be next? What color might your fish be?
As you read last week, we were in Illinois for a wedding. Tomorrow, we're heading back to Illinois for some family stuff. Saturday night there will be a Halloween Party at my brother Steve's house. I also mentioned last week that last year at this Halloween Party, it was the last time family was together before the unexpected death of our brother, Mike. We were not able to be there last year. Since his death I've struggled with a few things, but most of all with my memory of our last conversation. I really don't know what else to do too try and remember something like this. I know I want to remember, there's no question about that. I wish I had the ability to turn back time, I wish we had been at the party last Halloween, I wish I had talked to him in early Nov. but of course wishing this is silly, right?
I guess that somewhere deep down inside, I'm hoping this weekend will help in the healing process of losing someone you love so much. Not just healing for myself, but for other family members as well. His wife, his children, the other sibs, we all miss him very much. I sat down with some of his children during the holidays last year, and we talked about the hurt, the lost sleep, the boxes of tissues losing him has caused. I told them that as each hour, each day, each week, each month goes by, it gets a little easier to deal with it. And it really does, but it will never go away. WE don't want it to go away because he really meant that much to us. I'm sure each of us have had our "rough days" over the last 11 months, I know I've had mine. But I try to keep the faith and take heart in knowing that there's still a part of him here; in his children, in his wife and in me.
It may sound a bit selfish, but I really want to remember our last conversation. I know that it wasn't bad or anything like that, but I need this thread. I guess what I hope for this weekend, is a trigger, something that will help jog my memory. If that doesn't happen, I will be happy in knowing that just getting together with his wife and kids and some of our siblings will somehow help in the healing process. The reality is we don't have all the answers and probably will never have them. Another reality is, the love of God and family is strong enough to combat all the doubts, fears, shortfalls, and hurts that our hearts endure. Of this I'm sure. That is the view from my stand!