Music, Memories and Mongo!

This morning as I was doing my walking at the little county park down the road from us, a number of things came to mind. Yeah, I know, sometimes I can be a little random but for the most part I'm very comfortable blaming it on my OCD. Are you one of those people like me, where certain songs you hear creates a flood of emotions or feelings? Maybe they are reminders of people in your life, and to hear the song it warms your heart or sometimes, breaks it. Maybe there are songs that create negative feelings for you {D I V O R C E..becomes final todaaay} okay.. maybe that's not a negative. I choose to have songs that are positive and lift my spirits on my Ipod. Sometimes while I'm walking, a song will come on that I love {Journey, Chris Tomlin, Mercy Me, Toby Mac, Brad Paisley} and I will start singing along with it. Only a time or two have I failed to not look around first and as I come around a turn on the path, there's someone with a big ole grin on their face because they heard me singing to music they can't hear. {or...maybe they were laughing!}
This morning, three songs that i heard while my IPod shuffled as I walked, they gathered such raw emotions in me, creating a lump in my throat and brought tears to my eyes. I hesitate to share them; but I'm going to anyway. The first one was Brad Paisley's "She's Everything". To me, this song describes in great detail how I feel about my lovely wife of 25 years. Here are just some of the words to that song that moved me to think of her this morning:

She's a Saturday out on the town
And a church girl on Sunday
She's a cross around her neck
And a cuss word 'cause its Monday
She's a bubble bath and candles
Baby come and kiss me
She's a one glass of wine
And she's feeling kinda tipsy
She's the hand that I'm holding
When I'm on my knees and praying
She's the answer to my prayer
And she's the song that I'm playing
[Chorus]
And she's everything I ever wanted
And everything I need
I talk about her, I go on and on and on
'Cause she's everything to me

I'm a pretty lucky guy when it comes to spouses, as some of my buddies who love football would say, "I out kicked my coverage!" But I am very thankful that this woman loves me, even during those times when I don't think I deserve her love.
The second song that made me take time to reflect this morning was another Paisley song that he sings with Dolly Parton; "When I Get Where I'm Going". If you're not familiar with the song here are some of the words to this one:

(Chorus:)
Yeah when I get where I'm going,
they'll be only happy tears.
I will shed the sins and struggles,
I have carried all these years.
And I'll leave my heart wide open,
I will love and have no fear.
Yeah when I get where I'm going,
Don't cry for me down here.

I'm gonna walk with my {grand}daddy,
and he'll match me step for step,
and I'll tell him how I missed him,
every minute since he left.
Then I'll hug his neck.

This year, 8 days after my birthday, it will be 15 years since Dad passed on. Hardly a week goes by that something I say, or something I hear someone else say, or even a sound or smell, triggers a memory of Dad. {I know what you're thinking about the sound/smell thing..stop it!} I miss a lot of things about Dad, but most of all I miss the times that just the two of us had together. With 10 kids and a pile of grand kids, that wasn't always easy to do to get that alone time. But I remember many trips of going to the farm and sitting with Dad working on Jigsaw Puzzles, playing
"31" or just having some lunch. He loved to eat fresh tomatoes covered in cottage cheese and peppered nearly black. I still do that a few times a summer myself. He hated not being able to walk or go to the garage and piddle around with stuff. He also hated having to be on oxygen as well. Those things were not "who he was".
I'll always remember when it was time for me to head back to the city, I'd give Dad a hug on his neck and tell him that I loved him. We would set a date for the next time I would be out to keep him company and then he would tell me, "give Barb and Abbydabby a hug for me!" I'm pretty sure he looked forward to our visits as much as I did, maybe even more. Damn, I miss him.
The last song that struck a chord with me this morning {get it..chord?} was from one of my favorite groups the last few years, Mercy Me. As I've gotten older and realized what a calloused world this could be, my faith is something that has certainly strengthened. In the Bible we're promised that God will never give us more than we can handle or bare. Mercy Me's song, "I Can Only Imagine" was one of the songs that we chose to have playing during the visiting hours at my brother Mike's funeral after his unexpected death in November 2008. We were more than just brothers, we were best friends. At the time of his passing, I wasn't so sure about that God "promise" I mentioned earlier. I wasn't prepared for it, I didn't want it to happen, I wasn't going to accept it. It was only through the constant reminder from family, friends, songs, etc. that helped me through this time. You could say, God worked on me, through them. Anyway, here are some of the lyrics from Mercy Me's song if you're not familiar with them:

I can only imagine
What it will be like
When I walk
By your side
I can only imagine
What my eyes will see
When your face
Is before me
I can only imagine
I can only imagine
[Chorus:]
Surrounded by Your glory, what will my heart feel
Will I dance for you Jesus or in honor of you be still
Will I stand in your presence or to my knees will I fall
Will I sing hallelujah, will I be able to speak at all
I can only imagine, I can only imagine.

This song brings a peace in me that tells me, "every things going to be alright!" I miss Dad and Mike, a lot. But because of my faith in God,I believe I will see them again. This keeps me at a good balance when it seems that our country is choosing to do all the wrong things for it's people. I believe that smaller government and less government interference in our lives is better for the country as a whole. Unfortunately, we currently have leaders that don't think that way. The thing to remember is, we have a great big {Mongo} God who is the one in control. Wherever you draw your strength from, tap into it and hold on, the next few years are going to be a bumpy ride. But in the end...ahhh.....I can only imagine! That's the view from my stand!

Thoughts from a dads point of view...

Writing a blog is a lot like keeping a journal or diary. The ideas are very off the cuff and emotions are sometimes raw, but very real. I had mentioned in an earlier blog post about an incident that happened when I was young. I know that many of us can think of times in our life, especially our youth, where we were doing something that seemed harmless and something bad happened. Maybe your life was in danger? It was one of those things that happen and it scares you to death. So much so, that I don't even remember telling mom and dad or very many others about it. But at times, it's as fresh in my mind like an event that happened yesterday.
The incident took place on the farm of my best friends grandparents. My buddy, Don and I were pretty much always together during our teenage years. We went to school together, we played sports together, we went to church together, we were in Scouts together, pretty much inseparable. We decided one spring, while visiting is grandparents farm, to take the canoe down the raging creek that ran through the farm property. Now, this was not our first time in a canoe or even the first time in rapid waters. We were traversing through the turns in the creek bed and enjoying a fun day on the water and in the outdoors. We were coming to a pretty defined left turn in the creek and we started "setting up" the canoe to make that turn in the rushing waters. We made the mistake of getting ready for that turn and planting our paddles a little bit early. As we entered the current in the bend, it tail spun the canoe and dumped us right out into the cold spring water. What happened next, didn't even give us time to worry about how cold the water was. My buddy was in the back of the canoe and was able to get clear of the canoe when it tumbled over. I wasn't as lucky. When the canoe tipped, I went out in the direction it tipped, towards the shore in front of me in the left hand bend. No sooner had I got in the water, the canoe was on top of me, pushing me towards the shore. Somehow, I ended up pinned against the bank by the canoe and the waters incredible force, completely under water. Occasionally, I still have dreams about being trapped against that bank under water and I wake up, breathing heavily. I can't even tell you today how much time passed while I was under water, but it seemed like forever. I know that back then I could hold my breath for more than 2 minutes, but caught in a predicament like this I doubt it was that long.
While I was pushed against the bank by the canoe and current, trapped under water, my friend was able to pull himself onto shore and make his way to where the canoe was jammed between tree roots and holding me captive. With what adrenalene I had left, I was doing everything I could to push the canoe away from my body. After trying to use his arms to push the canoe away from the bank, he finally used a tree for leverage and was able to use his legs and kick the canoe free. Thus, freeing me to come to the surface and get fresh air. I remember being so exhausted from all that happened after the canoe tipped, that I barely remember getting on shore. I do remember laying there and looking up at the sky and being thankful for being alive. Then of course, you start thinking, "oh man, mom and dad are going to kill me for doing this!" {I don't know why we think like that in our youth, you'd think mom and dad would be happy we were alive?} I remember thanking my buddy for getting us out of that situation and saving my life. {Believe it or not, he saved my life more than once. Yeah, we lived large!} I remember feeling like I was getting "another chance".
I tell you this story, to also share with you where I find myself today. 30+ years later, the images are as vivid as the colors on a Mardi Gras Parade float. I think back to the events like this and those similar, that shaped "who we are and who we want to be". I hope that I have done the right things that would make the actions of my friend saving my life, worthwhile. Taking into account the decisions I made then and beyond, that has impacted where I am today. I'm proud of many of my accomplishments, but most proud of my family {wife and kids} and the impact we have had on many children. I have this aching feeling right now for our own teenager and the decisions she will make in her life.
As many of you know, our Abby is now 17. She hasn't always made the best decisions {yes, we were teens once but she doesn't believe it!} and she has some really important ones facing her in the very near future. {keeping grade up, softball, college, job} These decisions will have a pretty big impact on her future and defining some of who she is. I guess as the dad here, I want her to look at the big picture rather then making decisions based on how she feels today. Trying to explain to a female teenager that basing any decisions on your overflow of emotions on any given day, is probably not wise and you may regret it. It's my hope that she would use the God-given intelligence and common sense that she has to make her decisions keeping in mind what's best for her in the long run. Most of all, we want her to be happy with her decisions and who she is. Every parent I know has or will have struggled with these thoughts and feelings. For me, putting them in the written form seems to help sort things out. The thing that we have always done and my parents did for us, is to love. Loving our kids unconditionally, even if they don't think we do, it is the greatest call on us as parents. I guess it's just my hope for them, that will get them to understand that with that love, we also want the very best for them. Will they have regrets? Probably, because many people do. We want them to be the best that they can be in what they choose to do, but we also want them to choose wisely. Maybe these are silly thoughts to some, maybe not. I'm just sharing in the view from my stand!